Carnal Desire
by Lisaand
Summary: Its the way that she just hugs you out of nowhere with so much affection that makes you feel remorse. You'd rather have someone pelt needles into your skin and inject poison into your bloodstream, then have to deal with the guilt that Tori doesn't even know she's giving you. A series of fluffy & not so fluffy Jori drabbles/one-shots
1. Blank Slate

**A.N-**Don't know how I came up with this one, it just happened. I usually write one-shots when I get writer's block, so drabbles usually end up being the end result. Hope you enjoy what's soon to come. Chance's are some chapters will be rated M, while other's may not.

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It's the way that she touches you that makes you feel bad. No you don't mean touches as in like...sexual or anything. Simple-general touches is what your referring to. Like when she holds your hand, brushes a stray piece of raven hair behind your ear, when she plays with your fingers or just when she taps the tip of your nose in that playful manner that she seems to possess.

Maybe you are just the cold hearted vindictive bitch that everyone thinks-says you are. Tori doesn't seem to think so though. But that's only because she isn't able to see through your simple facade. Your all lies and sarcastic remarks, while she's all easy-going and forgiving. Maybe you should feel more remorse for when you lie to her and end up in some unknown girl's bed. But you don't. You just strum said girl as if she were an instrument, and you listen carefully for the melody that you are looking for. But it's never there. It's always just useless fortissimo to your ears and that is NOT what your looking for.

With each touch on another girl's body, you feel the numbness of cheating overtake your senses. It's that numbness that keeps you going. Keeps you from going back to the apartment that you and Tori share. Keeps you from feeling bad about what your doing. What you'v done.

You sleep in the same bed with Tori every night. She cuddles into your cold body, but slowly thaws it out as she snuggles into your chest. She likes to play with your finger's before she lets sleep overtake her body, her senses. She's always small giggles and small sighs of content once she delicately grasps one of your pale digit's and just moves it in odd motions with her caramel colored digits. It's always those small giggles that she produce's that makes you fall into slumber, but it's when she falls asleep on your tummy that makes you pass out completely.

It's when you look into her chocolate brown eyes when you feel the numbness starting to fade away. It's that misguided affection that you see in them that brings you back to your senses. Her eyes are like an open book. Just one glance, and you just know what she's feeling. She may be a good actress, but your way better. You'v perfected the role of hiding what you feel, while she has yet to.

Each girl you come in contact with ends up being an octave higher than the last. You make sure of that. They're all screams or over-exaggerated moans most of the time. Sometimes they even play out a string of profanities, that's probably the highlight of your session.

You gain some type of sick pleasure when your able to get said girl give into your demands, your touches. How you can just pull a string and make her do whatever you want. Each girl is your new puppet and you are their master. But it's different with Tori. One minute you have her strings in your grasp and the next minute you find that her strings have been cut. If only she knew what she does to you.

All you want is that one masterpiece that you can display with pride. But you have yet to find said piece...or so you believe. Each girl is just another blank slate in the end. You crumple it up and toss it away, never seeing it again. You start a new piece and end up with the same result. Slate after slate, you have nothing to show for your effort. What you fail to realize however, is that you are just waisting your time with searching for your masterpiece because she's been right in front of you this whole time. But you don't deserve her. You don't deserve the love-affection she gives you. If she knew what you'v done, she'd crumble away without leaving a trace behind. She deserves better than you. You know that much at least. Yet you still go back to her. Back to her touches that burn your skin. Back to the affection that she shouldn't be giving you.


	2. Shattered pieces

It's the way that she looks at him with those emerald's that she calls eyes. The way that she just looks so broken- yet she's able to hide it behind a mask. A little to well to be quite honest. She still loves him. Surprisingly enough, she makes it really obvious. You'd think that Jade West would be able to hide how she's feeling a whole lot better and she can...but you don't blame her for not being able to right now.

But they're broken up. She's the one who set the deal down when Beck had had enough when they were arguing at your house. She's the one who ended up keeping her word and saving if he didn't open the door and take her home himself. She's the one that's slowly dying on the inside as she watches Beck kiss Trina with the same passion that they once shared. It's horrible, you know that. But you can't help but have that selfish side- the side that's glad that Beck has moved on (which also helped with getting Trina to finally shut up about making the Canadian hers). The side that is giving you that hope that you actually have a chance with Jade...but you know that it's just false 's no way that she can love you while she's still in love with a guy that has moved on and basically tossed her aside.

It's his life. You know that you can't blame Beck for moving on. He wasn't happy in their relationship. Although Trina is well...Trina, she knows how to treat her man right. Showering him with affection, cooking him meals filled with love even though she's a terrible cook (but its the thought that counts,right?).Although Beck is happy now, it doesn't stop you from wanting to hurt the guy for hurting Jade like this. The sad part is that you just know that he doesn't know what he's doing to her.

Your not sure how Beck and Trina ended up together. Heck, you thought that Trina was just speaking a bunch of bull that one night where she said that she just came back from a date with Beck and how it was just magical. But you were proven wrong when you found them making out on the living room couch, especially since Trina had stayed home from school, feigning sickness. You didn't even question Beck being absent either, you just thought that he was up really late working on the vintage car that his father had given him to drive, as long as he fixed it that is.

You weren't sure what to tell Jade when you found out. You wanted to tell her, but then you didn't at the same time. The last thing you wanted was for her to threaten you with her new pair of scissors or just laugh in your face at the thought of Trina actually winning Beck over and then having to prove her wrong in the end. It was a lose-lose situation in the end, so you decided to keep your mouth shut and let her find out herself.

Your not sure how many hours you spent with Cat, being that raincloud in her life, but she was able to give you that small bit of sunshine to keep you sane and your thankful to have a friend like her. You confided in her and she listened intently. She didn't call you crazy or hate you for liking her best friend, especially after her failed relationship. Heck, she thinks that you and Jade would make a cute couple..but she never did say if Jade likes girls like that, which is another bump in your so called hope. You really wish that your love life never ended up just being shattered pieces and false pretenses...especially when you haven't even attempted to tell her how you feel. But why bother when you already know that the answer won't be what you want?


End file.
